Occasionally referred to as “relationship addiction”, codependency describes behaviors, thoughts and feelings that go beyond normal caretaking and people pleasing. While often thought of as a problem in romantic relationships, codependency can occur in many types of associations including friendship, family or work. Codependents often have low self-esteem and are disproportionately preoccupied with other people’s needs while placing a low priority on their own. People who are codependent sometimes have a strong fear of being alone or abandoned and a controlling desire to be needed. While they usually have the best of intentions, codependents take on the unhealthy and self-sacrificing role of a martyr. Codependent relationships can keep people from living their best lives. Codependency symptoms can worsen if left untreated, so it’s important to seek the help of a mental health professional.
Local Experts in Codependency
One of my favorite areas to help you build good boundaries, improve your own self-esteem and how to be compassionate with others while not losing your sense of who you are in the process. This area encompasses many areas of our life as you will find out when exploring it with me.
I get it, we have all be there. A relationship begins to encompass you, being your first and last priority. It doesn't have to be like that, I promise. You can find a way to love yourself and love them, it's not all of nothing. With guidance, I will help begin to change your life and the way you love yourself and others.
I have extensive education and experience helping clients who struggle with seeking esteem and love through things outside themselves, and who have tendencies toward controlling and enabling those in their lives who are alcoholics and addicts.
Setting clear boundaries as adults has everything to do with how we were reflected and tended to as little ones. It's easy to mix ourselves up with others, if we did not recieve support to know who we are spearate from others. We can't learn our own yeses and nos in a vacuum. What's exciting, is we can learn differentiation as an adult, with the guidance of a skilled attachment therapist.
Codependency finds you without a voice. You will always let someone else make decisions for you. You will always feel insecure because you don\'t believe in yourself or that you may have the best solution. You will be given homework/session work that will help to give you a voice, be more confident in your own thinking and decision making instead of letting someone else make decisions for you.
Okay, if you can get past the connotation of the label this carries, this is really normal in our culture. In my relational work (groups, partners, parents), we will learn how to reclaim our whole selves, while staying connected with those we love.
For a thorough explanation of what codependency is, I highly recommend the work of Melodie Beattie! Meantime, I have spent years studying and working with people on codependency issues. It is hard, but gratifying work, and everyone I know who has done the work has testified that it is worth it!
We need others to survive, however, we need to know and love our self first to thrive in life and in our relationships. Reaching the place of my own recovery from codependency has been one of my most valued and hard earned achievements.
Feeling connected to another person is a wonderful thing; sometimes the connection can feel imbalanced or even crippling. This can occur in romantic relationships, friendships, or in families. Strengthening your sense of self and learning how to confidently trust others in their independence is the key to healthy, sustainable relationships.
Codependency has many roots which often stem from childhood abandonment or lack of development. We can work together on healing these traumas and creating new behavioral patterns which allow you to live independently of others.
I have successfully worked with many individuals who have historically focused more on others than themselves to their own detriment.
Codependency at the basic level is a deeply personal misunderstanding of needs and boundaries with misguided attempts to connect, to love and to feel valued. Learning to understand oneself / needs is a rich experience in therapy as one learns to respond to self with compassion and as priority. My training in Mindful Self Compassion has been a solid foundation of training for this type of work.
If you have difficulty with control issues, wanting things to be a certain way and needing to be perfect, you may struggle with codependency. I have worked and helped many clients to find freedom from this pattern. I helped them to feel more fulfilled in their lives by learning to concentrate on themselves instead of others.
Codependency is simple by definition - It's a pattern of orienting yourself around others rather than being your own center of gravity. This creates what we call, symptoms - resentment, dissatisfaction, deadness, depression, overwhelm, bitterness, anxiety, obsession, and self-aggression. I help clients to strengthen their boundaries in relationship and cultivate more self-awareness.
If you have noticed a pattern of codependency in your relationships (family, work, intimate partners) and/or have experienced harm from relationships with people who suffer from addictions or personality disorders, I can help you empower yourself to make more self-caring choices.
Studying codependent relationships and personalities has always been the most interesting part of psychology to me. How people become attached in relationships and when it tips into an unhealthy or toxic attachment is what I specialize in. Much of my expertise come from studying relationships in graduate school where I obtained a masters in marriage and family therapy.
I have extensive training in codependency and have facilitated family groups for people with family members in recovery as well as provided services to individuals on this topic.
It is human nature to be in relationship with other people. Unfortunately sometimes people lean on us to heavily in areas that they are lacking and need support. In order to be there on this level for other people we sacrifice what is important to us. This causes a lot of problems that are often not easy to detect and understand.
Any unhealthy pattern of behaviors that develops because of a relationship is co-dependence. It\'s the gift that keeps giving and repeats well beyond the relationship it was forged within. It can set one up to feeling over burdened and unsatisfied with their life and level of connection. Shining a light on it and developing skills around boundaries, values and communication is the key.
I have clients come into our work together as \'people pleasers,\' which often leads to passive aggressive or aggressive behaviors. My clients often leave our work together in a new space with their relationships, healthy assertion.
Are you more fixated on your partner than yourself? Learning to be more self-interested and focus on self-care will be healthy steps toward creating a new, happier life.
This is a pattern of negative control. The phrase, \'Do I have to give myself up in order to be loved by you,\' accurately depicts one of many enabling/disabling characteristics of codependency. \'Do you really love yourself, or do you put others first?\' \'What is the cost to you mentally, emotionally, spiritually for putting others first even though you may not be getting what you need?
Codependency coincides with attachment trauma and ongoing struggles in intimate relationships. This shows up as automated reaction loops with partners and can often prove to be an unbreakable pattern in the absence of calm and regulated external intervention.
If you tend to regularly sacrifice your own needs in a relationship to meet your partners and feel resentful about this, you may be using a codependent strategy in your life. Over time, this can lead to depression, anger, anxiety, lack of self-esteem and sense of who you are. Your needs are important too. I like helping individuals and couples create more balanced and rewarding relationships.
I have attended and facilitated 3 separate long-term codependent groups and meetings. I focus on male codependency and it's relationship to addictive behavior.
Your kindness and generosity are positive traits, but they often get out of control to the point that no one ever seems to be considerate of you. Codependency becomes a problem when your needs are never getting met in relationships, friendships, or even with acquaintances. I will help you look at the roots of your codependent behaviors and find new ways of relating in the world.
Part of specializing in addictions and narcissistic abuse is understanding the outcome of growing up in these kinds of environments. Adult children of parents with addictions or significant narcissism often develop codependent behaviors in adulthood, like struggling to maintain their boundaries and feeling responsible for everyone else’s happiness. It’s painful & exhausting, but you can change it.
Relationship difficulties are painful and all consuming, and are not limited to intimate partners; friend, family, and coworker relationships can also wreak havoc on our day to day lives. You might feel like you are on a roller coaster-one day is perfect, the next awful and back up and down again and again. You may fear being rejected if people really knew you, or feel that you are responsible for
Being in a codependent system feels like living in a house of mirrors. Families and systems that ignore, numb, or ostracize emotions often result in patterns of codependence. I help my clients learn about healthy relationships, clear boundaries, self care, and how to practice and communicate these in daily life.
We will work to strengthen your sense of your own self, establish healthy boundaries and work to discover and meet your own needs.
Often we are in relationships that have taught us that the only way for others to be happy, is for us to sacrifice our happiness, safety or health. We end up frustrated, burnt out and questioning ourselves and our life choices. Or we just feel guilt, ashamed and unable to find relationships that truly 'know us'.
Are you co-dependent in your relationship? I can help you to identify the warning signs of a one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive relationship. Together we can rebuild your identity and self worth, weaving in self compassion and exploration of your family of origin.
Relationships can be so tricky. Adding romantic emotions to them only confuses things more. I have helped a number of people work through those emotions and clarify their relationship dynamics, what they are really wanting in a relationship, and how to go about getting there.
Codependency can be defined as the tendency to put others needs before your own; accommodating to others to such a degree that you tend to discount or ignore your own feelings, desires and basic needs. Your self-esteem depends largely on how well you please, take care of and/or solve problems for someone else (or many others). In a sense, only know yourself through your role.
I work with clients to help them see how they contribute to co-dependent relationships, where they learned it, and support them to help break the cycle.
I work a lot with establishing boundaries, and the blocks to doing so, which can be very helpful when trying to establish new, non-codependent patterns with others.
So many marginalized populations and folks who grow up with abuse or addiction in their households adapt by living life from the outside in-adjusting to what they have been told implicitly and explicitly to be for other people in order to access love and resource. This also happens to be a symptom of codependency, a normal reaction to abnormal circumstances. I can help you reorient to yourself.
Is your world getting smaller? Do you have less time and energy for other meaningful relationships or hobbies? I will encourage and cheer you on as you redirect your life energy. We will review your priorities and values as well as examine how your choices support them. We will work on widening your circle of activities and friendships, focusing on self balance.
I help clients explore individuation and unhealthy attachments.
When one grows up in a family that is destabilized by the presence of alcoholism, traumatic loss, addiction, or insufficient parenting, we can adopt various strategies for relating to others that aren\'t healthy. These strategies leave us feeling as though we are sacrificing parts of ourselves to have love. I help people learn to relate healthily to themselves and others.
The term Co-dependency covers a lot of relationship ground. Often our formative years can lead us to rely on our partner or spouse or another significant person to an unhealthy degree. We begin to lose our self, our spirit and soul to the other. We are tangled together, enmeshed. I have deep experience in working with these issues. I invite your call to listen to what you are experiencing.
Relationship counseling for friends, family, and loved ones of patients with addiction issues. Skill building in areas of self-care, boundary-setting, asking for/receiving support, radical acceptance.
I think we all have a tinge of codependency. The reason I work with is so often is many clients come from a background where codependency helped them survive. My goal is to break that habit & learn to love you.
Extensive experience working with relationship dynamics and training in communication skills.