Codependency

Occasionally referred to as “relationship addiction”, codependency describes behaviors, thoughts and feelings that go beyond normal caretaking and people pleasing. While often thought of as a problem in romantic relationships, codependency can occur in many types of associations including friendship, family or work. Codependents often have low self-esteem and are disproportionately preoccupied with other people’s needs while placing a low priority on their own. People who are codependent sometimes have a strong fear of being alone or abandoned and a controlling desire to be needed. While they usually have the best of intentions, codependents take on the unhealthy and self-sacrificing role of a martyr. Codependent relationships can keep people from living their best lives. Codependency symptoms can worsen if left untreated, so it’s important to seek the help of a mental health professional.

Local experts in Codependency

Emalee Assenberg, MS, NCC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Many of us were set up for codependency by our childhood dynamics and past trauma. We rely on others for a sense of worth and self approval. I am a relational therapist who specializes in helping track and change unhealthy, toxic, and limiting beliefs and patterns. I understand how trauma can affect intimacy and trust. I help people transform their relationship with self and others.

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Stuart Malkin

Licensed Professional Counselor

M.S., LPC

I work with clients to help them see how they contribute to co-dependent relationships, where they learned it, and support them to help break the cycle.

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Brad Creel (he/him)

Licensed Professional Counselor Intern

I have attended and facilitated three separate long-term codependent groups and meetings. I focus on male codependency and it's relationship to addictive behavior.

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Gary Alexander

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

MFT, CADC III, NCC

Codependency can be defined as the tendency to put others needs before your own; accommodating to others to such a degree that you tend to discount or ignore your own feelings, desires and basic needs. In codependency our self-esteem depends largely on how well we please, take care of and/or solve problems for someone else (or many others). In a sense, then only really know yourself through your role with others. Moving towards greater balance between self and others is possible!

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Helene Goode LPC, CADC I (she/her)

Licensed Professional Counselor

MS, CADC I

Is your world getting smaller? Do you have less time and energy for other meaningful relationships or hobbies? I will encourage and cheer you on as you redirect your life energy. We will review your priorities and values as well as examine how your choices support them. We will work on widening your circle of activities and friendships, focusing on self balance.

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Caitlin Lynch (They/them)

Marriage Family Therapist Intern

MS, NCC

Many people grow up in situations where having needs and expressing them in a healthy way is a challenge. Sometimes families and romantic partners fall into unhealthy habits that they swore they would not repeat. I'll approach your healing from codependency with compassion for how it served you previously, and a hopeful lens for practical steps you can take to regain healthy relational boundaries.

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Kimberly Dudley, LMHCA, NCC

Licensed Professional Counselor Intern

Codependency is most easily identified in this way: one person carrying the majority of the weight and responsibility of the relationship in order to meet a deep need of approval and acceptance. It often leaves people feeling overwhelmed and undervalued.

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Marina Nelson, MC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I have extensive training in codependency and have facilitated family groups for people with family members in recovery as well as provided services to individuals on this topic.

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Benita Munson

Licensed Professional Counselor

LPC, CRC, CADC I

Are you co-dependent in your relationship? I can help you to identify the warning signs of a one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive relationship. Together we can rebuild your identity and self worth, weaving in self compassion and exploration of your family of origin.

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Jules Allison

Part of specializing in addictions and narcissistic abuse is understanding the outcome of growing up in these kinds of environments. Adult children of parents with addictions or significant narcissism often develop codependent behaviors in adulthood, like struggling to maintain their boundaries and feeling responsible for everyone else’s happiness. It’s painful & exhausting, but you can change it.

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Hatice Kubra Tokman

Hypnotherapist

The 'drama triangle' – consisting of victim, rescuer, and persecutor – refers to roles people play unconsciously, or try to manipulate other people to play. Getting out of this unhealthy triangle is essential in dealing with your relationship problems. Regression into these roles are essential to discover the needs of those playing the roles and to break these dysfunctional patterns.

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Melinda Norman

Licensed Professional Counselor

Codependency has many roots which often stem from childhood abandonment or lack of development. We can work together on healing these traumas and creating new behavioral patterns which allow you to live independently of others.

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Anthony Marchant

Licensed Professional Counselor

Extensive experience working with relationship dynamics and training in communication skills.

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Korina Jochim

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

If you have noticed a pattern of codependency in your relationships (family, work, intimate partners) and/or have experienced harm from relationships with people who suffer from addictions or personality disorders, I can help you empower yourself to make more self-caring choices.

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Jeff Guenther (he/him)

Licensed Professional Counselor

LPC

Studying codependent relationships and personalities has always been the most interesting part of psychology to me. How people become attached in relationships and when it tips into an unhealthy or toxic attachment is what I specialize in. Much of my expertise come from studying relationships in graduate school where I obtained a masters in marriage and family therapy.

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Jane Mayer

Licensed Clinical Social Worker

When one grows up in a family that is destabilized by the presence of alcoholism, traumatic loss, addiction, or insufficient parenting, we can adopt various strategies for relating to others that aren't healthy. These strategies leave us feeling as though we are sacrificing parts of ourselves to have love. I help people learn to relate healthily to themselves and others.

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Carewell Portland Carewell Portland/Julie Berman (she/her)

Licensed Professional Counselor

LPC

Trouble drawing boundaries? Can't say no? It's time to put the self first and your relationships will change. Where did you learn that you are not important?

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Sarah Blaszczak, M.A, LMFT (She, her, hers)

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

LMFT T1554

So many marginalized populations and folks who grow up with abuse or addiction in their households adapt by living life from the outside in-adjusting to what they have been told implicitly and explicitly to be for other people in order to access love and resource. This also happens to be a symptom of codependency, a normal reaction to abnormal circumstances. I can help you reorient to yourself.

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Jon Fox

Licensed Professional Counselor

LPC

If you tend to regularly sacrifice your own needs in a relationship to meet your partners and feel resentful about this, you may be using a codependent strategy in your life. Over time, this can lead to depression, anger, anxiety, lack of self-esteem and sense of who you are. Your needs are important too. I like helping individuals and couples create more balanced and rewarding relationships.

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Karel Chan, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Feeling connected to another person is a wonderful thing; sometimes the connection can feel imbalanced or even crippling. This can occur in romantic relationships, friendships, or in families. Strengthening your sense of self and learning how to confidently trust others in their independence is the key to healthy, sustainable relationships.

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Anne Emmett

Licensed Clinical Social Worker

I have successfully worked with many individuals who have historically focused more on others than themselves to their own detriment.

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Jeremy McAllister

Licensed Professional Counselor

Codependency coincides with attachment trauma and ongoing struggles in intimate relationships. This shows up as automated reaction loops with partners and can often prove to be an unbreakable pattern in the absence of calm and regulated external intervention.

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Lori Haymore MA, NCC

Licensed Professional Counselor Intern

Feeling discouraged because you're repeating the same unhelpful patterns with those who manipulate and abuse you? Together we can identify what keeps you stuck and how to break old habits.

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Kelley O'Gorman (she/her)

Licensed Professional Counselor

MFT

I think we all have a tinge of codependency. The reason I work with is so often is many clients come from a background where codependency helped them survive. My goal is to break that habit & learn to love you.

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Jennifer Stratton

Licensed Professional Counselor

Codependency at the basic level is a deeply personal misunderstanding of needs and boundaries with misguided attempts to connect, to love and to feel valued. Learning to understand oneself / needs is a rich experience in therapy as one learns to respond to self with compassion and as priority. My training in Mindful Self Compassion has been a solid foundation of training for this type of work.

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JESSICA VAN DER MERWE (She/Her)

Licensed Professional Counselor Intern

LMHCA, LPC Intern

Often we find ourselves in relationships and situations where we feel used, resentful and hurt, waiting for the other person to notice our efforts and give us the love we need. It is in these relationships we often betray our own boundaries and needs in exchange for supporting the needs of others. This cycle can leave us exhausted and hopeless. I work with you to gain insight and form new patterns of relating to finally get your needs met.

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Anna Hawkins, MA, LMFT

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

I work a lot with establishing boundaries, and the blocks to doing so, which can be very helpful when trying to establish new, non-codependent patterns with others.

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Wendy Curtis

Licensed Professional Counselor

MA, LPC

For a thorough explanation of what codependency is, I highly recommend the work of Melodie Beattie! Meantime, I have spent years studying and working with people on codependency issues. It is hard, but gratifying work, and everyone I know who has done the work has testified that it is worth it!

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Meghan O'Connor (they/them/she/her)

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

MA, MFT

Codependency is simple by definition - It's a pattern of orienting yourself around others rather than being your own center of gravity. This creates what we call, symptoms - resentment, dissatisfaction, deadness, depression, overwhelm, bitterness, anxiety, obsession, and self-aggression. I help clients to strengthen their boundaries in relationship and cultivate more self-awareness.

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Lindsay Anderson

Licensed Professional Counselor Intern

M.A., NCC, LPC-intern

When you give so much of ourselves to others, it can feel like you lose parts of yourself in the process You might find it difficult to set boundaries or voice your true inner feelings. Together, you can learn to recognize and honor your inner voice, trust your intuition, and integrate the different parts of yourself enabling you to live life more fully and authentic to who you are.

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Christina Wall

Licensed Professional Counselor Intern

MS, NCC, CRC

Relationship difficulties are painful and all consuming, and are not limited to intimate partners; friend, family, and coworker relationships can also wreak havoc on our day to day lives. You might feel like you are on a roller coaster-one day is perfect, the next awful and back up and down again and again. You may fear being rejected if people really knew you, or feel that you are responsible for

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Pearl Waldorf

Licensed Professional Counselor

Setting clear boundaries as adults has everything to do with how we were reflected and tended to as little ones. It's easy to mix ourselves up with others, if we were not valued for simply being our unique selves. We can't learn our own yeses and nos in a vacuum. What's exciting, is we can learn differentiation as an adult, with the guidance of a skilled attachment therapist.

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Deborah Ranker

Licensed Clinical Social Worker

Being a deeply caring and empathetic person can make it difficult to figure out how to maintain healthy boundaries in relationships and often leads to burnout and resentment. I enjoy helping people with high amounts of empathy figure out how to build confidence in themselves, maintain compassion for others, and develop the life-serving boundaries and skills needed to have thriving relationships.

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Aja Stoner

Licensed Professional Counselor Intern

Co-dependency and self-worth are often so inter-related we are unable to recognize co-dependency negative effects in our lives. In co-dependency therapy we can begin to see how loving too much, caring too much and self-sacrificing leaves us empty and creates all kinds of negative feelings and experiences. Through therapy we can unwind the web of co-dependency and get you to living your best life!

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Gina Polimeni

Licensed Professional Counselor Intern

I have studied and have an understanding of family systems which contributes to codependent behaviors. I believe at a young age we develop values and behaviors that stay with us throughout our life. I specialize in ACA work which is closely related to co-dependency. Co-dependency is about control and acceptance and it's important to learn how to recognize how these behaviors transfer to others.

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Destry Stoner LPC, CADCIII

Licensed Professional Counselor

It is human nature to be in relationship with other people. Unfortunately sometimes people lean on us to heavily in areas that they are lacking and need support. In order to be there on this level for other people we sacrifice what is important to us. This causes a lot of problems that are often not easy to detect and understand.

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Colleen Burke-Sivers, LPC (She/her)

Licensed Professional Counselor

Your kindness and generosity are positive traits, but they often get out of control to the point that no one ever seems to be considerate of you. Codependency becomes a problem when your needs are never getting met in relationships, friendships, or even with acquaintances. I will help you look at the roots of your codependent behaviors and find new ways of relating in the world.

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Tiffany Butler

Licensed Professional Counselor Intern

I have worked with adults exhibiting codependent behavior in a range of relationships—either with friends and family or intimate partners. Using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy we challenge the thoughts behind issues of low self-esteem, people-pleasing, lack of boundaries and more in order to find a path toward healthier relationships with others and with oneself.

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Pauline Picco

Licensed Clinical Social Worker

I have extensive education and experience helping clients who struggle with seeking esteem and love through things outside themselves, and who have tendencies toward controlling and enabling those in their lives who are alcoholics and addicts.

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Celine Redfield

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

If you have difficulty with control issues, wanting things to be a certain way and needing to be perfect, you may struggle with codependency. I have worked and helped many clients to find freedom from this pattern. I helped them to feel more fulfilled in their lives by learning to concentrate on themselves instead of others.

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