Occasionally referred to as “relationship addiction”, codependency describes behaviors, thoughts and feelings that go beyond normal caretaking and people pleasing. While often thought of as a problem in romantic relationships, codependency can occur in many types of associations including friendship, family or work. Codependents often have low self-esteem and are disproportionately preoccupied with other people’s needs while placing a low priority on their own. People who are codependent sometimes have a strong fear of being alone or abandoned and a controlling desire to be needed. While they usually have the best of intentions, codependents take on the unhealthy and self-sacrificing role of a martyr. Codependent relationships can keep people from living their best lives. Codependency symptoms can worsen if left untreated, so it’s important to seek the help of a mental health professional.
Local Experts in Codependency
I have extensive education and experience helping clients who struggle with seeking esteem and love through things outside themselves, and who have tendencies toward controlling and enabling those in their lives who are alcoholics and addicts.
Often we are in relationships that have taught us that the only way for others to be happy, is for us to sacrifice our happiness, safety or health. We end up frustrated, burnt out and questioning ourselves and our life choices. Or we just feel guilt, ashamed and unable to find relationships that truly 'know us'.
When one grows up in a family that is destabilized by the presence of alcoholism, traumatic loss, addiction, or insufficient parenting, we can adopt various strategies for relating to others that aren\'t healthy. These strategies leave us feeling as though we are sacrificing parts of ourselves to have love. I help people learn to relate healthily to themselves and others.
I think we all have a tinge of codependency. The reason I work with is so often is many clients come from a background where codependency helped them survive. My goal is to break that habit & learn to love you.
Studying codependent relationships and personalities has always been the most interesting part of psychology to me. How people become attached in relationships and when it tips into an unhealthy or toxic attachment is what I specialize in. Much of my expertise come from studying relationships in graduate school where I obtained a masters in marriage and family therapy.
Any unhealthy pattern of behaviors that develops because of a relationship is co-dependence. It\'s the gift that keeps giving and repeats well beyond the relationship it was forged within. It can set one up to feeling over burdened and unsatisfied with their life and level of connection. Shining a light on it and developing skills around boundaries, values and communication is the key.
Codependency finds you without a voice. You will always let someone else make decisions for you. You will always feel insecure because you don\'t believe in yourself or that you may have the best solution. You will be given homework/session work that will help to give you a voice, be more confident in your own thinking and decision making instead of letting someone else make decisions for you.
I have extensive training in codependency and have facilitated family groups for people with family members in recovery as well as provided services to individuals on this topic.
Are you co-dependent in your relationship? I can help you to identify the warning signs of a one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive relationship. Together we can rebuild your identity and self worth, weaving in self compassion and exploration of your family of origin.
We exist in relation to other people and codependency can be a reflection of a blurring or challenge to the boundaries that were central to the relationship. Addressing codependency in therapy often looks like working with clients to boost their own ability to identify codependant behavior and how to interrupt it when it shows up.
Your kindness and generosity are positive traits, but they often get out of control to the point that no one ever seems to be considerate of you. Codependency becomes a problem when your needs are never getting met in relationships, friendships, or even with acquaintances. I will help you look at the roots of your codependent behaviors and find new ways of relating in the world.
Are you more fixated on your partner than yourself? Learning to be more self-interested and focus on self-care will be healthy steps toward creating a new, happier life.
If you tend to regularly sacrifice your own needs in a relationship to meet your partners and feel resentful about this, you may be using a codependent strategy in your life. Over time, this can lead to depression, anger, anxiety, lack of self-esteem and sense of who you are. Your needs are important too. I like helping individuals and couples create more balanced and rewarding relationships.
The term Co-dependency covers a lot of relationship ground. Often our formative years can lead us to rely on our partner or spouse or another significant person to an unhealthy degree. We begin to lose our self, our spirit and soul to the other. We are tangled together, enmeshed. I have deep experience in working with these issues. I invite your call to listen to what you are experiencing.
Extensive experience working with relationship dynamics and training in communication skills.
We will work to strengthen your sense of your own self, establish healthy boundaries and work to discover and meet your own needs.
One of my favorite areas to help you build good boundaries, improve your own self-esteem and how to be compassionate with others while not losing your sense of who you are in the process. This area encompasses many areas of our life as you will find out when exploring it with me.
For a thorough explanation of what codependency is, I highly recommend the work of Melodie Beattie! Meantime, I have spent years studying and working with people on codependency issues. It is hard, but gratifying work, and everyone I know who has done the work has testified that it is worth it!
Whether parent, partner or peer, I have witnessed the entanglement of conflicting desires to rescue and to feel unburdened. I appreciate the complex, layered task that confronts them and the importance of owning the journey to calm. I help by facilitating dialogue that conveys compassion for the struggle to balance caring for others with caring for self and respect for a need of personal impact.
We are all dependent on others, but like most things, when that dependence becomes excessive problems arise. I help people return to themselves in a new way so that they begin to trust and rely on themselves in ways that perhaps they\'ve never known. The journey from dependence to independence to interdependence is often a very rich and rewarding one.
I studied relationship patterns as part of my graduate studies in Marriage and Family Therapy and since have been particularly interested in the pattern of codependency in individuals. I assist clients in identifying their underlying needs and setting boundaries to support those needs.
Codependency at the basic level is a deeply personal misunderstanding of needs and boundaries with misguided attempts to connect, to love and to feel valued. Learning to understand oneself / needs is a rich experience in therapy as one learns to respond to self with compassion and as priority. My training in Mindful Self Compassion has been a solid foundation of training for this type of work.
Being in a codependent system feels like living in a house of mirrors. Families and systems that ignore, numb, or ostracize emotions often result in patterns of codependence. I help my clients learn about healthy relationships, clear boundaries, self care, and how to practice and communicate these in daily life.
This is a pattern of negative control. The phrase, \'Do I have to give myself up in order to be loved by you,\' accurately depicts one of many enabling/disabling characteristics of codependency. \'Do you really love yourself, or do you put others first?\' \'What is the cost to you mentally, emotionally, spiritually for putting others first even though you may not be getting what you need?
Feeling connected to another person is a wonderful thing; sometimes the connection can feel imbalanced or even crippling. This can occur in romantic relationships, friendships, or in families. Strengthening your sense of self and learning how to confidently trust others in their independence is the key to healthy, sustainable relationships.
I can help you to recognize your own healthy and unhealthy relationship patterns.
I work with clients to help them see how they contribute to co-dependent relationships, where they learned it, and support them to help break the cycle.
Relationships can be a source of great joy and also a source of great pain and suffering. I specialize in helping people who struggle to be fully themselves in relationships with others. I am confident that everyone has the ability to experience happiness, love, support and connection from others in a way that feels good to them.
Okay, if you can get past the connotation of the label this carries, this is really normal in our culture. In my relational work (groups, partners, parents), we will learn how to reclaim our whole selves, while staying connected with those we love.
Relationships can be so tricky. Adding romantic emotions to them only confuses things more. I have helped a number of people work through those emotions and clarify their relationship dynamics, what they are really wanting in a relationship, and how to go about getting there.
Is your world getting smaller? Do you have less time and energy for other meaningful relationships or hobbies. I will encourage and cheer you on as you redirect your life energy. We will review your priorities and values and examine how your choices support them We will work on widening your circle of activities and friendships, focusing on self balance.
Codependency can be defined as the tendency to put others needs before your own; accommodating to others to such a degree that you tend to discount or ignore your own feelings, desires and basic needs. Your self-esteem depends largely on how well you please, take care of and/or solve problems for someone else (or many others). In a sense, only know yourself through your role.
I work a lot with establishing boundaries, and the blocks to doing so, which can be very helpful when trying to establish new, non-codependent patterns with others.